Al Gore

Vice President Gore:

Please don’t run for president. I’m confused enough as it is with all of these other candidates in the field.

Gerald Risener

p.s. : Congrats on the Nobel Prize.

Maria Shriver

Dear Maria:

I’ve just heard that you’ve decided not to return to news reporting. Good for you! I agree with you that the media frenzy surrounding the death of Anna Nicole Smith was really too much. What a circus!

But I’d been wondering about bias in reporting, since you’re now the First Lady of California. I’ve no doubt that your personal ethics are above board and that you’d have no trouble separating your professional and personal/political lives, but you know that others would be gunning for you. There are some really sloppy journalists and reporters out there — like that gal who was covering the mayor, while engaged in an extramarital affair with him — and then when you add in the increasing sensationalism and lust for scandals in this country…. Well, just know that I share your frustration.

I’m still rather shocked that your husband was actually elected, but I respect and admire you all the same. Maybe you could start teaching courses on journalism in the University of California school system?

Respectfully,

Adam Walker

Ann Coulter

Dear Ann:

I’m hoping you can help me. I’m very concerned about my teenage daughter and don’t know how to reach her.

She’s been listening to music that I just don’t understand. I mean, it’s supposed to be in English, but I just don’t understand the slang these days. I’m troubled by the very many negative messages to which our young people are so often exposed today, but my daughter — Katie — thinks I’m just an old fogie who can’t get hip.

You also know about the problems we’re having with the way kids are dressing these days, always trying to look like their hedonistic celebrity idols. I was doing the laundry yesterday and found a pair of red lace panties in Katie’s laundry basket. When I asked her about them — I’d certainly never bought her such a thing! — she got all sarcastic, saying that they were Satan’s panties and that she’d be happy to get me a pair, too, if it would just help me loosen up and have some real fun for once.

Ann, please help my daughter understand that this is no laughing matter. I don’t know what to do about this. She is sinning by degrees, each instance worse than the last. My precious Katie losing her immortal soul through her choice of undergarments would simply be more than I could take.

Bless you,

Maryanne Bateman