Stephen Colbert

Dear Candidate Colbert:

I’ve just read that you’re now filing only as a Democrat and not also as a Republican, in your entry to the field of presidential hopefuls in the South Carolina primary. While I understand the significantly steeper financial burden of the Republican filing can be off-putting, I hope you will reconsider.

Think of all us poor Republicans who will have to change party affiliation, just so we can support you in this all-important primary! Such a mass exodus from the GOP faithful into the arms of the Democrats — Demoncrats, really, whether it’s Halloween or not — could permanently alter the course of politics in the South. I don’t think South Carolina could survive the sudden influx of “spontaneously liberal” voters.

You just need to find some additional Republican supporters with deep pockets. Look around. We’re not hard to find.

Please, Mr. Colbert, I’m begging you. Don’t make me register as a Democrat!

Very truly yours (and always a staunch conservative at heart),

Miles Breckenridge