Cesar Milan

Dear Cesar:

I saw you on the Bonnie Hunt show! I first want to congratulate you on having such good taste as to appear on her program. She’s a really nice lady, and I’m happy to see her now on the TV every afternoon. She’s just like a ray of warm sunshine, isn’t she?

Next, I have a serious problem. I know that you’re the “dog whisperer,” but I’m hoping you can help me with my cat. Do you work with cats? Or are you really just dog-oriented only? Lots of people have both cats and dogs, you know. I’m hoping you’re looking to diversify your talents and client list, because my kitty, Nubian, has me at my wits’ end — not to mention the upper limit on my credit cards.

Nubian doesn’t like the man I’m seeing, and is literally peeing everywhere. He’s also gotten a bad bladder infection and lots of urinary tract blockages…. Long story short, the vet did surgery last week to remove my kitty’s little penis. Yes, I paid someone to turn my boy cat into a girl. Don’t hate me. He’s home and is doing fine, but is now peeing everywhere all over again! He’s mad about my boyfriend, I just know it. And Charlie (my boyfriend) hates that cat.

So how do I get my cat to stop peeing all over the house? He even peed on me once! That was not fun. Have you ever had a cat pee on you? And how do I get Charlie to make friends with Nubian? For real, this is a huge problem, and I just don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of locking the two of them in the bathroom together for the weekend to let them sort it out. Probably would just end up being a big pissing contest, literally and figuratively.

Please help! The good news is that my dog is fine. He thinks Charlie is some kind of god — probably because he always has bacon in his pocket — but that dog never liked that cat, either. Cats are people, too!

Cesar, I’m counting on you to save my sanity, my relatonship and my carpeting. Please consider coming over to the kitty side, just this once?

– Janet King Lincoln, NE