Adam Baldwin

Yo.

I’ve seen you in a couple of flicks and on a few diff TV programs now. Damn, you’re tall. And really fit. So I gotta ask. Were you just born that way, or have you been taking growth hormones?

Before you go getting all upset with me for asking, you gotta know that I’m a pretty good looking guy, but I’m only 5′7″. I’m 17 and got a hot girlfriend and everything, but I’m going away to college next year and I’ve got my future to think about. I’m going to be competing with some serious basketball and football jocks. I don’t need to be as tall as you, but I need to be at least 5′10″ before I show up for freshman orientation.

So, you’re probably a good guy and everything and don’t need crap like that to look so awesome. But you live out in Hollywood and everything, and you’ve got to know people who can help guys like me. Do I just need to take a pill, or am I looking at longer term injections or something? For real, can you hook me up? I really need your help on this.

Your involuntarily short friend,

Simon R.