Britney Spears

(From a Fake Fan Mail reader…)

Oh, Britney, how I love and admire you. I love you more than chutney and far more than my Filipino Jitney, the one I left in a hurry when it burst into flames that fateful morning in Manila that turned my fate into concrete action, not just because that concrete corner of that inconveniently-placed corner building got in my way precisely when I was having an ex-tactic ecstatic extasy-sponsored moment while listening to your latest hit ( I swear no pun is intended! ) via my Microsoft Zune original, which is ( was, I left it there, too, ) blinged to the point that it was hard to find in the dashboard of my Britney-blinged Jitney … camouflage is such a deceiving attire. And that day I fled The Islands of The Filipino Empire for the shores of Los Angeles and to this day nobody loves you like I love you. I would rescue your children and bring them to you, if only they would let me past the gates so I could ferret them outta Federline’s compound.

spears-aloft,
Carlitos Marcos Ledesma-kuhn