Carl’s Jr.

(From a Fake Fan Mail reader…)

Dear Carl’s Jr.,

Your thought-provoking ad campaign is destined to save the lives of many hungry members of the male species. I salute you.

Just the other day, I walked into my local Super Grocery Mart’s frozen food section. There on the floor was my neighbor, a single guy by the name of Mike. Mike was curled up in the fetal position, rocking. I was about to call 911, and then it dawned on me. Mike didn’t need an ambulance. He needed a Six Dollar Burger. I picked him up, threw him over my shoulder (he was as light as feather, on account of his inability to prepare food for himself), carried him out to my car and rushed him to the nearest Carl’s Jr. drive-through. He perked up the moment that soggy bun and greasy slab of meat touched his lips. It was a close call.

Thank you. Without your very important public service announcements, I would never have known that “without (you) some guys would starve” and Mike might not be with us today.

With sincere gratitude,
Ms. Patty Meltington