Stephen Colbert

Mr. Colbert:

First off, I apologize for not catching your Thursday evening show until the following Monday night. I suppose now I’ll have something to atone for when Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur roll around again, and you open up your “Oops Jew” atonement hotline.

But I heard you endorsed Barak Obama! That’s fantastic! Even if you don’t plan on voting for him — in which case, I don’t really understand the point of the endorsement — I know that you’ve rocked a lot of conservatives to their core by this pronouncement. At least, you may have ruffled the feathers of the few ulta-right wing stalwarts who haven’t yet abandoned John McCain.

I imagine that an Obama presidency would give you more to roil about on your show, so that would be good news for you. And don’t forget that job you might be able to get on the farming collective once Obama makes good on his (secret) master plan to turn the United States into a European Socialist nation, eh?

All kidding aside, I just wanted to congratulate you on finally coming to your senses. Maybe in 2012, you can get on the ballot again and give Palin a run for her money.

– Keith Greenberg

Sarah Palin

(From a Fake Fan Mail reader)

Dear Governor Palin:

I was real excited when you were named John McCain’s pick for the VP slot on the Republican ticket.  Lord knows we need somebody with decent legs to hold up the country!  A friend of mine says he’s pretty saw you on one of those Russian sites where the girl starts out wearing glasses and has her hair up, you know, like she’s a powerful business executive, but by the last frame there’s only a low-res JPEG of what looks like she’s doing something interesting with vegetables.  Thanks to the credit crunch, my Visa is maxed out and I can’t see how it turns out.

Hopefully you and John McCain can straighten this whole credit crisis out so I can appreciate all your talents.

LeRoy Newton
Cuyahoga Fall, OH

PS:  can you give Hillary some fashion advice? She dresses like my old math teacher.