Ronald McDonald

Dear Ronald McDonald:

You are the coolest clown ever. My Mom says you were around even when she was little, so you must be like a hundred years old by now. You look great for your age.

I really like Grimace and your other friends, but the Hamburgler is my favorite. I know maybe you’re not supposed to like the bad guys the best, but he is my favorite. He’s always so sneaky, trying to get at the food, but then he always gets caught, and you always make friends in the end. I think that’s great that you can hang out with the Hamburgler and still be friends.

Why is Grimace purple? Did he drink too much grape soda? I know sometime my tongue turns purple when I drink grape soda or have a grape popsicle, but not my whole body. Maybe if I drank like two whole bottles of grape soda every day for a week, I could turn purple, too? That would be cool. I bet my teacher would freak out.

What’s your favorite McDonald’s food? Do you make up all the recipes yourself? You’re a really good cook, even though I’ve never actually seen you back in the kitchen at any of the McDonald’s around here. I figure you’re kinda like Santa Claus, training helpers to take care of all of the McDonald’s all over the world, while you’re in your own kitchen coming up with all sorts of new fun stuff to put on the menu.

My favorite used to be the chicken mcnuggets Happy Meal, but then I got bigger and sometimes I can order from the adult menu, too. I really like the double cheeseburger. This one time, my friend Randy dared me to order a Filet-o-Fish, but I chickened out. I got a Big Mac instead, but I could only eat about half of it, and then I had to throw up. Randy’s Dad said I’d tried to eat too much too fast.

Did you see the movie that guy made, where he only ate at McDonald’s for a whole month? I think that sounds great! I wish I had that guy’s job. But then my sister told me that guy got really fat and sick, but I know your food isn’t bad. Just look at you. You’re like a hundred years old already, and you don’t eat anything but McDonald’s, and you’re really skinny.

I hope you get this letter, and that the Hamburgler doesn’t steal it. That guy is so funny. He cracks me up.

Your buddy,

Kenny

p.s. Your french fries are the best! Even better than Burger King, and that’s saying a lot.